As these things go sometimes, we never actually got around to the suggested topic. That isn't to say it was a wasted evening. Far from it. We had a surprise visit from Simon from the Nottinghamshire Council neurodiversity outreach and education support team. He and his team essentially teach teachers how to better support our neurodivergent kids. He wanted to check in on how we as a community of neurodivergent people also support the ADHD and autistic folks in our care and influence. He spent some time focusing on stories of helping kids feel better about an ADHD identity rather than the pathologising effects of diagnosis. This led to a rousing discussion of what that really means: identity vs. diagnosed. The upshot was that both have their place. Identity help us with a lens through which we can observe how we got here, and maybe help give us the tools to be more compassionate and caring toward ourselves. And yet, diagnosis is a vital part of the support process as it currently stands. You can't march into the GP and get ADHD meds because you've been doing your research and you really think you have the condition. You must be diagnosed for that level of support. So, both understanding the identity and receiving a diagnosis are important parts of the care and feeding of your ADHD self and loved ones. After the break, one of our regulars asked for some time discuss how to proceed on the Right to Choose pathway for diagnosis. He had recently received his assessment appointment choice, and he asked the group for advice on how to pick a good assessor for the best possibility of diagnosis. the suggestions: - **Google the names of the potentials.** These people usually have websites. Check them out. See if you like their credentials and their vibe. If they don't have a website, then maybe that fact by itself is a sign. - **Social Media check.** Not for the doctors, but there may be groups that have also been through this process and members there might also have feedback to share. - **Pick the appointment time you feel you'll be "at your best".** In this case, at your best probably means a time when you'll be uninterrupted so you can be as honest and unmasked as you can be so the assessor sees the "real" you. - **Pick someone the opposite gender.** A suggestion from someone. Sometimes people get along well better with one gender or another. Know thyself. - **Make your expectations clear.** When you finally choose your appointment, make sure you are clear with what your expectations are and how you would like this to play out. You want a diagnosis, and you want to make sure the report conforms to NICE guidelines so you can easily transfer to shared care, if this is your goal. Some variation of that, according to how comfortable you are with asserting yourself in this way or not. And this led to yet more rousing discussion about how we can better take care of ourselves with a lot of focus on our tendencies to struggle with negative self-talk. # You wouldn't talk to your kid this way, so why do you say these things to yourself? We know we can't really help it, but we can recognize that our under-stimulated brains are kicking things off within ourselves for... *reasons*. But we *can* be better to ourselves. If not for ourselves, then because being better to ourselves automatically makes us better to the people to the people we interact with. (A little life hack to co-opt our people-pleasing tendencies since we often don't feel good about doing things purely for ourselves.) When it's hard and we struggle more, it's okay to admit that we're tired, and things are hard, and we need support. It's not just okay to admit it, we owe it to ourselves. Particularly as we get older and hormone shifts make everything even harder. Many cathartic tears were shed. It was a very positive meeting, people felt seen and supported, and we never even got around to talking about the proposed topic. See you next month.